Grief is individual. Grief is as unique as you are. There has never been YOU going through THIS. There is no set precedent. No expectations to meet. There are no requirements, there is no right way to grieve.

If all this is true, why do we so often feel like we are doing it wrong?…

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…” (Psalm 23:4) You might know what the Psalmist writes next. “I will fear no evil.” Death appears in the most unlikely of places. Death strikes when innocent people aren’t looking. Death does not play favorites. You may have had a loyal pet die. You may have had a close friend lose her cancer battle. You may have watched your father peacefully take his last breath. The moment when the “shadow of death” passes over a loved one it is next to impossible not to fear. How am I able to live life with my beloved gone? Who will I talk to you? Why did it have to end this way?

“Just don’t think about that,” or “It’s not that bad,” or one of my favorites, “You’re blowing this out of proportion.” Anxiety is not about what is actually happening, it is usually about what might or could possibly happen in the future. If you have anxiety, you understand this, your imagination can conjure up all kinds of terrible scenarios. If you don’t have anxiety, however, this may seem like something that could be controlled by a simple choice to not think about it.

Let’s look at this from both sides.

“Back to School Aaugh-xiety” 

During the late summer and fall, I dislike watching and hearing commercials advertising “Back to School” sales.  I didn’t like them as a kid or college student. When I pastored, I felt a heavy pressure of dread. “Back to School” meant a long list potential problems, headaches, issues, or failures.  It meant the end of a care free summer and the beginning of stressed filled days. 

We live in a world that is always looking for the “secret.” We want the formula or 5 simple steps to a great_________ you fill in the blank….. marriage, career, life….

What is the secret to marriages that work? The Gottman Institute has been asking that question for the past 40 years and the research is clear. Marriages that last are built upon friendship.

It turns out that friendship provides couples with a solid starting point for everything else that happens in their relationship.

What do you enjoy most about a friendship? How would you determine the quality of your friendships?

Recently Annie and I stopped at the Apple Barn Candy Shop in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee. The candy shop specialized in chocolate confections not fruity apples. Personally, if I want to find out the quality of a candy shop’s offerings, there are two chocolate selections that lets me to experience the flavor notes of their candy making skills…chocolate turtles (pecans and caramel) and dark chocolate caramels with a few sea salt grains sprinkled on top. Yum! You might think, is there such a thing as a bad piece of chocolate candy? Yes. The chocolate needs to be creamy and smooth. The caramel can’t be hard to bite into. The pecans must be fresh and not have that nutty after taste. But, Kurt, aren’t you being a little too picky about your candies? I am picky because I have a high anticipation for my purchased chocolate. I want the first bite to be nirvana. And if I’m sharing, and of course I will. I want my friend to have a nirvana candy experience, too.

Friendship is a lost art.