The Influence of Intentionally
The Influence of Intentionally
Why is it important to be live and love intentionally in a relationship? It shows motivation and active engagement. So why is it intimidating to intentionally take a step and move toward someone? It could be perceived as risky behavior, meaning a partner considers putting himself or herself out there might stir up hidden fears and anxiety. Who knows how the loved one might respond whether open, closed, defensive or have no response at all. Being intentional involves courage, choice, and strategy. The influence of intentionally opens the heart for a positive response from the person you love.
Here's one observation, as a pastoral counselor, I have noticed among couples who enter counseling. Couples don’t respond intentionally. They barricade their thoughts and feelings behind a cold wall, protecting them from the person they are living with. They are fearful of sharing their own desires or wants. Their skepticism and defensiveness prevent them from seeing an opportunity to break through the barriers of the relationship. They believe their partner is barrier.
When I was a kid reading the Cincinnati Enquirer Sunday comics on the floor of the living room, there was a popular newspaper comic strip called, “Pogo.” This strip by Walt Kelly was about an opossum named Pogo and his swamp-dwelling friends. Taking place in a mythic Okefenokee Swamp, Pogo satirized the human condition as well as hot button topics of the day like the Vietnam War. The strip is probably best remembered today for Pogo’s lament, “We have identified the enemy and it is us.” How have you used the influence of intentionally in your relationship?
Granted, if trust does not exist, then why would a person trust and take a step toward other. However, in a couple relationship, when one is regaining trust, a significant step in mending a relationship is developing the skill of intentionally.
The following are two statements showing the energy of intentionally. One unintentional and the other intentional: 1) “I guess I’ll do whatever my spouse wants to make this right.” This statement is void of courage, choice, and engagement. There is a willing to do what the other wants but lacks personal risk, emotion, or investment. It communicates obligation and duty, not desire. This generates negative energy. 2) “I want to give myself to you.” When said with an adoring voice, the words communicate a deep desire for the loved one. A choice is made to value and love the other. Enjoyment, not obligation, becomes the motivating force. They do it because they want to, not because they must. One delightful discovery of intentionally is the increased capacity to love far beyond one’s imagination using positive energy.
Jesus described the importance of living intentionally as one of his disciples in Luke 14:28, “Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it?” A disciple’s life moves forward with courage and intentionally as they build a purposed filled life. And if one needs to be intentional in the family of God it stands to reason a couple needs to live intentionally with each other to build a healthy, loving relationship which is a good foundation for a vibrant family.
When you seek a counseling relationship at Annie King Counseling, you use the influence of intentionally to better your relationships. These benefits create positive waves which affects you, your relationships, your friends, and your family. Visit our website or give us a call (740-656-5291) if you have questions or want to make an appointment with Annie or Kurt.
Be Encouraged.