Boundaries: A Game of Risk Are you willing to say NO?
Have you ever taken a risk? I mean you rolled the dice and the numbers worked in your favor. Most times when fate, or is it faith, approves a person’s desired choice they might say, “I knew it would work out that way.”
Parker Brothers’ game, Risk, is a strategy board game of diplomacy, conflict, and conquest for two to six players. If you looked at the board you would see a map of the world, divided into forty-two territories, which are grouped into six continents. The main objective is to rule the world by strategically conquering boarder territories and wiping out the opposing forces. The simple rules and complex interactions make it appealing for adults.
And, yes, it evolves risk. How many armies are you willing to risk moving into another gamer’s territory? It comes down to the roll of the dice. If you risk and loose, are willing to live with the consequences?
Cloud and Townsend’s book, Boundaries, has become the quintessential text on how to set limits, stand your ground and take control of the daily activities. Christians often focus so much on being giving, loving, and forgiving that they forget their own limitations. They might believe they can save the world if only they had more time and energy during the day. A seasoned pastor shared some wisdom when I first started ministry, “God sent Jesus as the Savior. God’s plan wasn’t to have you as the second one.”
“Throughout the Scriptures, people are reminded of their choices and asked to take responsibility for them (Boundaries, 42).” Outside voices influence our decisions based on the “shoulds, oughts and have tos.” The boundary becomes fuzzy when a friend asks, “I don’t have time to finish this job. Will you take over and complete it for me?” You don’t have time either, but you are afraid to say no for fear of the consequences. You feel like you “ought” to do it as a good Christian “should.”
What is left in the wake of these shoulds and oughts? Say it with me, I feel frustrated. I harbor resentment. I feel abused.
Cloud and Townsend writes, “Setting boundaries inevitably involves taking responsibility for your choices. You are one who makes them. You are the one who must live with their consequences. And you are the one who may be keeping yourself from making the choices you could be happy with (Boundaries, 43).”
The shoulds and oughts lifestyle prevents you from being the person God created you to be. A well-established boundary empowers you to make the choice to say NO believing you will be in a heathier and happier place. And saying NO to your friend may result in some fallout. Are you willing to live with consequences? The risk you take may lead you into a more cherished relationship with a spouse, family member or friend.